MacMillanThousands of people living with cancer could be being “ghosted” by loved ones as they navigate their diagnosis and treatment, a charity has warned.
Macmillan Cancer Support said that so-called “cancer ghosting” is leading to patients feeling they are facing the disease “alone”.
Patients have spoken out about losing friends they have known for decades after being diagnosed.
One patient described how friends “disappeared from my life” after she was diagnosed with cancer.
Another said she felt “hurt” when close friends “withdrew” after she was diagnosed with endometrial cancer – the cancer of the lining of the womb.
Macmillan Cancer Support is urging people to make “small practical steps” to show up for friends or family diagnosed with cancer.
STV NewsThis can include sending a message, checking in regularly or supporting someone at an appointment, the charity said.
Lisa Walker, a retired social care worker from Edinburgh, described losing friends she has known for decades after she was diagnosed with cancer.
“I had people withdraw from me that I never thought would,” the 61-year-old said.
Ms Walker, who was diagnosed with kidney cancer when she was 50 and has since been diagnosed with four other types of cancer over the past decade, added: “Friends I’d known since school and others I had known for years, people I had spoken to two or three times a day.
“They just stopped talking to me and disappeared from my life, almost as though I meant nothing.
“It really affected me.”
Ms Walker went on: “I kept asking myself what I had done wrong and whether the friendship had ever been as genuine as I thought it was… and that was incredibly painful.
“But I’ve also learned that the people who truly matter are the ones who stay, even when they don’t know what to say, even when things are difficult, and even when you’re not the easiest person to be around.
“I would have much rather someone said, ‘I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you’, than say nothing at all.”
STV NewsMev Ghazanfar, a HR business partner, was diagnosed with endometrial cancer in 2018.
The cancer has spread to other parts of her body and is now considered incurable.
“I’ve had quite a few people withdraw from me since my diagnosis, and I’ve lost some really close friendships because of it,” the 38-year-old from Hampshire said.
“In the beginning, I found that incredibly difficult. I was hurt, confused and didn’t understand why somebody who had been so important to me could suddenly step away when I was going through something so huge.
“But over time, I’ve come to realise that their decision to withdraw wasn’t necessarily about me. I don’t know what was going on for them or why they couldn’t be there, but ultimately, I had to concentrate on myself. I was fighting to survive, and I still am.”
MacmillanAs part of its Fair Cancer Care campaign, Macmillan Cancer Support is urging people not to “go quiet” when a loved one is diagnosed with cancer.
Polling conducted by YouGov on behalf of the charity on 2,100 UK adults suggests that a quarter (26%) have found it hard to communicate with someone they know who has cancer.
This includes struggling to know what to say, avoiding the subject of the person’s cancer, seeing or speaking to them less, or in some cases even completely losing touch altogether, the charity said.
Sian Robinson-Brown, service knowledge specialist on Macmillan’s Support Line, said: “Finding the right words to talk about cancer isn’t easy. But showing you care really matters.
“Cancer is one of the most challenging things many people will go through, and it shouldn’t be made harder by people feeling they have to face it alone.
“There isn’t one perfect thing to say. What matters most is listening with empathy, taking the lead from the person with cancer and showing up consistently, even when conversations feel difficult.”
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