Football club a 'lifeline' for bereaved dads coping with baby loss

A football club which was set up to help fathers who have experienced the loss of a child has been described as a “lifeline” by bereaved dads.

The Sands United Glasgow side was founded in 2020 to help dads who had lost their children, with teams set up in cities around the UK.

Every Monday night, these dads take to the pitch in memory of children they have lost.

For the players, having a space to be seen and supported in their grief has helped them navigate the heartbreak of baby loss.

Ahead of Father’s Day, two local dads opened up about their experiences.

‘I wanted to keep my daughter’s memory alive’

Kris Rodgers and his partner received the devastating news that their daughter Eva had no heartbeat two months before her due date.

While hospital staff provided excellent care, Kris said returning home without their baby felt isolating.

“We got to spend five or six days with our girl, every morning waking up to just see her wee face,” he told STV News.

“Not many people get that opportunity, so having that time to be able to connect with her was amazing. But then you have to leave at some point.

“Every day we spoke about our daughter, but when we got home, there was none of that. No one asks ‘How are you? Is everything okay?’ People feel lost, and they don’t know where to turn to.”

Kris found out about the football club on social media and reached out to organisers. It changed everything for him.

“They’re a great bunch. You’re among guys who know how you feel, the times when you’re up and down. We know each other’s babies’ names.

“The club lets you be you for a day. It takes your mind off it.”

Kris urges people affected by pregnancy or baby loss to seek peer support.

“There’s no right way to grieve, especially with child loss. Just find something that keeps you going.

“There are so many guys out there who don’t know how to talk about it properly.”

‘There aren’t many outlets for men to open up’

Andy MacLean lost his daughter Ellie at 31 weeks in 2018.

Ellie was diagnosed with spina bifida and Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia, a condition where her organs were developing in the wrong places. Andy and his wife made the difficult decision to have a termination for medical reasons (TFMR).

Andy joined the football club in 2023 and took over as the team’s manager last June.

“There aren’t many outlets out there for men to speak to other guys about this stuff – it’s things their other friends haven’t experienced.

“Back in the day, men were seen as tougher than women – some men still go by that. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help or opening up. I found that out the hard way, unfortunately.

“It feels good to be part of a group of guys. No one wants to join, but once you meet people, you find you’re not alone. There’s always support here.”

The figures around baby loss are stark. Every day in the UK, 13 babies die shortly before, during or soon after birth, according to figures from the Office for National Statistics.

Evidence also suggests that at least one in six pregnancies ends in miscarriage, though the rate of pregnancy loss is likely to be higher.

Rowena Pailing, the director of bereavement support, community and volunteering for Sands, praised the dads for speaking out to dismantle the stigma surrounding grief.

Sands United take to the pitch every Monday Sands United Football Club Glasgow and Lanarkshire

“There’s something about the way that gender is understood in our society that often means people assume men are strong, that they don’t need support, that they don’t want to talk about their emotions. That makes it much more difficult for men to reach out and say that they need help.

“We need to make sure we ask men about their own well-being, rather than directing all questions toward their partner. It can be really easy for somebody to ask a bereaved dad, ‘How is your partner? Are they okay? Is there anything they need?’ Our key message is to be sensitive to the dad as well, and what he might need. Ask him about himself.”

Rowena said men-only spaces, such as football clubs, offer an environment where dads can speak freely to others who have faced similar losses.

She also said parents who speak to struggle in the lead-up to certain milestones such as birthdays and anniversaries – and that Father’s Day can be especially challenging for dads.

“Sometimes the run-up to the period is perhaps more anxiety-inducing than the day itself. When the day actually comes, there can be a sigh of relief, ‘I can manage this’, but it’s that anticipation that can be so hard.

”This Father’s Day, we want every dad, partner and grandad who has been touched by pregnancy or baby loss to know they are not alone, that there is a Sands community that cares, and that everyone can help break the silence and isolation that exists around bereavement and grief.”

The Sands Freephone Helpline is available on 0808 164 3332. You can also get in touch by email helpline@sands.org.uk or join the online community www.sands.community.