Next up in my series of party leader interviews is Willie Rennie.
Rennie is leader of the Scottish Liberal Democrats, God love him.
Actually, he’s had a belter of a campaign, hurling around on zip wires and inadvertently appearing in porcine pornography.
I sat down with him to talk about liberalism, illiberalism and whether Scotland will ever manage to move beyond the referendum. That interview will be published in full later today.
First, his answers to my round of quick-fire questions.
Stephen Daisley (SD): Just before we start, do you want to check there aren’t any pigs going at it behind you?
Willie Rennie (WR): [laughs] I do have a special team who sweep up behind me to make sure there’s no hanky panky going on. And that includes humans as well as pigs.
SD: You want to decriminalise drugs. Are you on drugs right now?
WR: Eh… No. I hesitated but No.
SD: Am I on drugs right now?
WR: Who knows? The range of questions we’ve had, you could well be.
SD: Moving on, why are there pink elephants dancing around your head and playing the bongos?
WR: You are on drugs.
SD: Hillary or Bernie?
SD: Trump or Salmond?
WR: Aaaaah! What a dismal prospect! Do I have to chose?
SD: You have to choose.
WR: Ugh! Eh… both of them? No, I’m not answering. I’m denying it. Don’t force me. [Off my look] Are you really wanting me to choose? There must be some other person called Trump that I can back. There must be somebody else called Salmond.
SD: Okay, I’ll give you the option of choosing a salmon, an actual fish.
WR: I’ll go for fish. I quite like fish.
SD: What’s your favourite promise you’ve broken to the voters?
WR: [mock bewilderment] Promise that we’ve broken to the voters… There must be something… No, I don’t know, actually.
SD: You could say, you know, tuition fees…
WR: Oh okay, let’s do that one. It’s not my favourite. It’s just one. I don’t have favourite promises that I break.
SD: You were a leading No campaigner in the referendum. Did you get all thirty pieces of silver at once or are you paid in instalments?
WR: It was by direct debit and they paid it over a 24-month period.
SD: English gold card?
WR: It was.
SD: Gogglebox or University Challenge?
WR: Oh Gogglebox, probably.
SD: Pugs or some other, inferior breed of dog?
WR: [laughs] A loaded question. I feel coerced here but let’s go with pugs.
WR: My son loves pugs, my 11-year-old son loves them. He’s got a pillow in his bed in the shape of a pug.
SD: Yeah, I’ve got one of those.
WR: And he loves it. He goes all droopy-eyed whenever he sees them. So, my son Stephen is a fan of pugs.
SD: Good taste in dogs, good taste in names. Has he ever considered leading the Liberal Democrats?
WR: He probably believes he could do a better job.
SD: Judge Rinder or Judge Judy?
WR: Judge Judy.
SD: Jessica Fletcher: Loveable granny detective or serial killer with a genius alibi?
WR: Serial killer, without a doubt. Bit suspicious. Happens to be around when so many crimes are going on. Bit dodgy.
SD: And finally, what’s your name?
WR: [sings] Willie Rennie!
Stephen Daisley is STV’s digital politics and comment editor. STV management would like him to stress that he was not on drugs, though they think he ought to be. You can contact him at [email protected].