Mum left ‘begging’ after school ‘dismissed’ daughter’s additional needs

A Moray mum has said that her daughter was left “starving” after her additional needs were “dismissed” by her school.

The mum, who wished to remain anonymous, has spoken out after feeling “belittled” by her daughter’s school after fighting for her additional needs to be met.

The council said it “will always work with families to accommodate adaptations necessary”, but the mother believes the problem is much wider, affecting families across Moray.

Her “tiny little toot” has recently been diagnosed with additional support needs, but the process for the family started years before.

“We knew something was wrong when she was really young”, she said, explaining how they started going to a paediatrician when their daughter was just nine weeks old.

In order to get a diagnosis through ADAPT, which is a board of medical experts who can issue a professional diagnosis for additional needs, she had to wait until her daughter was of school age, and the school needed to document incidents so the mum could report back to ADAPT.

But, the mum said, it was “obvious” the school was not documenting incidents where her daughter was displaying signs linked to additional needs.

“We would be going to school telling them that we needed to build up a picture, and the troubles kind of started there,” she said.

The mum began to send emails to the school expressing concerns that her daughter’s needs were not being met or documented.

One time she was left outside in the rain, another time she was “overwhelmed” – but the only thing the school did was “put headphones on her”.

She added: “They are not helping us, they are not acknowledging her needs.”

Her daughter even went a “whole week without eating” at school, she said.

“They weren’t giving her any additional time for her snack,” she explained.

“She was not finishing it, and then she wasn’t able to have lunch, because it was so loud in the lunch hall that she was getting overstimulated.

“She would leave the lunch hall, without eating, and then it came to two o’clock and she was starving to the point that they were ringing me, telling me she had a sore stomach because she was hungry.”

The mother added: “I was in tears watching my child so hungry. She was raiding the cupboard before I could even get the snacks out”.

She added how it was “nearly a year later” that the family were told about a lunch club the school offered, where her daughter would have a quiet place to eat.

The mum then filed a complaint with Moray Council about the way the school was handling her daughter’s needs, but she now feels this led to the school taking a “dislike” to her family.

She explained how at meetings with the school that she attended alone she would be met by two people from the school.

“They were starting to intimidate us a little bit,” she added. “Once you put these complaints in you get backlash.

“I’ve been made to feel like I’ve done something wrong.

“They can belittle you. You’re then victimised if you put a complaint in so, either way, you’re in a difficult position.

“You’re trying to fight for your child, but if you put complaints in to get better outcomes, in my own experience, the school tries to make things even more difficult for you.”

The mother even tried going directly to Moray Council for help. She said she “begged” but there was “no sympathy”.

Her daughter was eventually able to get her NHS diagnosis, but the family ended up having to go private first as the school “wasn’t helping”.

She added: “We had to keep ringing them and asking them to hand in the paperwork. In the end we got her diagnosis.”

But now the mum worries a move to a new class after summer could be “detrimental” to her daughter.

When the mum raised concerns, she was told to put in another complaint but she explained that it takes “weeks”.

“That’s not going to resolve the problem,” she explained. “Because by the time the school even look at the complaint, she’ll already be in that class.”

The mum believes this is a much wider issue across Moray. She said she was in tears reading social media comments from other families going through similar situations.

In response to the claims, Moray Council said it does not wish to comment on an individual case, but it recognises the family “clearly feels strongly” about the situation and “fully encourages” them to go through the complaints process.

The council added: “Schools and support staff will always work with families to accommodate adaptations necessary, where appropriate, for additional needs based on their agreed child’s plan.”