Parents of toddler who died in choking accident help other parents through sharing grief online

The parents of the “happiest little girl” who died after choking on a small object say they hope speaking about her death will help others also going through the pain of losing a child.

Carly Allan, from West Lothian, regularly posts videos on social media discussing life after losing her daughter Grace, who died shortly before her second birthday.

The toddler had a rare condition which affected her ability to swallow.

Carly describes the day before she passed as “the most normal day you could ever imagine”, but within just minutes, she had died after choking in the garden of their family home in Winchburgh.

“It was the four of us in the garden”, Carly said. “Myself, Nick, Charlotte, and Grace. Grace and Charlotte were running around the garden playing, doing normal sister things.”

“Grace was crippled over, belly-laughing at Nick and Charlotte being Nick and Charlotte, just being silly as they always are, then she started acting strange, which isn’t out of the blue for Grace; she has had little episodes like this, but it wasn’t anything alarming.

“Then, within seconds, we decided to make that call to 999. We didn’t think anything was seriously wrong – we just knew we needed some sort of help, and we didn’t know why.

“And as soon as 999 was called it was just within seconds, so, so, quick, and its crazy how quickly you realise your entire life has changed, but, even in those moments you just are living in like a whirlwind, out of body experience.

“It’s so strange, because I didn’t really realise what had happened until you hear that consultant say there’s nothing else we can do, and that’s when it hits.”

Grace lived with her mum Carly, dad Nick, and sister Charlotte STV News

In the aftermath of Grace’s death, Carly began sharing what had happened and later spoke publicly about the results of her daughter’s post-mortem.

Filming TikTok videos is now a regular part of her day, alongside her full-time job at Scottish Water.

She’s formed a close bond with many of her 20,000 followers, often sharing raw insights into dealing with grief and the challenges of getting on with life.

“The biggest help for me has been that the more I’ve spoken about what’s happened, it’s really lifted such a weight of emotions, feelings, everything you kind of face after losing a child, but now it’s just expanded from that, and it’s now helping other people as well”, she explained.

“Just to hear from so many families going through the same, those little things I share, like writing a birthday card for the first time after losing your child, that’s such a difficult thing, but something that people might not even realise is difficult.

“Being able to voice that, and help myself as well as others has just been amazing.

“I just had this overwhelming feeling that I didn’t like how I was becoming. I started to hear people say to me, ‘You’re physically here, but you’re mentally somewhere else.’

“I didn’t want to become a completely different person just because I lost Grace. I still wanted to be present; I still wanted to enjoy the moments of everyone else’s lives.

“I thought if I start to share what I’m feeling and I start to speak about it, will that start to help me process what I’m going through, and instead of feeling like I was bothering everyone, if I just say it out loud and post it, will that make me feel like I got it off my chest.

“And it was honestly just a relief that I kept getting better and better, every video I posted.”

Carly and Nick said their lives changed 'within seconds'. — Carly and Nick said their lives changed ‘within seconds’. STV News

Grace’s dad, Nick, described his daughter as the “happiest little girl”.

“She went through a lot in the almost two years, and she always had a smile on her face, always laughing, always giggling, just a very happy girl.”

Although he is dealing with the grief in a different way, he believes Carly’s decision to share her experience is also helping him.

“It’s helped me because it’s helped Carly”, he explained. “As much as it’s about Carly sort of helping others deal with loss, I think it’s actually helping Carly sort of deal with the loss as well. Which is really quite important.

“I’ve dealt with it just by getting on. I wouldn’t say I’ve done anything special to deal with it, just taking each day as it comes.

While Grace’s life was short, Carly hopes her memory will drive a longer-lasting legacy of making conversations about losing a child easier to start – so anyone going through it knows they’re not alone.

“It’s lifted such a weight of emotions, feelings, everything you kind of face after losing a child”, she said.

“But now it’s expanded from that, and it’s now helping other people.

“Being able to show that raw side of my life after losing a child, I think that’s something people can resonate with.

“Not only am I sharing Grace’s memory, but I’m helping other people who are going through this exact same thing, or may go through this exact same thing.”