If ever there were any illusion that humanity has commoditized itself then surely the latest news from Italy is the irrefutable proof. If you want it, you can purchase your own little part of Il Duce – Benito Mussolini. Regrettably, as Miss Jean Brodie might have put it: “Girls! Girls! He’s not, I say, not, in his prime.”
There’s nothing like the prospect of a quick buck to get people rummaging through the attic for the body parts of a former dictator. They must be rubbing their hands with glee in most of Latin America. I’ve had visions of the Antiques Roadshow’s, Hugo, umming and aahing over the appropriate insurance cover required for such precious items. So what’s it all about?
News that part of Mussolini’s brain and an ampoule of his blood were available for sale provide confirmation, if any were needed, that it isn’t only your soul you can sell on e-bay. Of course, e-bay denied that it sells human detritus only to confirm that the items had been removed from the site within hours. Mmm, perhaps they should have rephrased that to: “We don’t knowingly sell body parts on the site.” No matter, as it happens, they’ve been removed, hopefully, but most improbably, to a place of burial or incineration.
What’s curious about this is why anyone should bother to retain the body parts of a dictator who was so popular that his own people shot him and strung him up from a lamp post. Even more curious is that there is a market for body parts and most curious of all - that anyone should want to buy them, especially for an asking price of the Euro equivalent of £13,000. A lot of cash clearly goes a little way when it comes to body parts.
This is Italy, though, so maybe the idea of cashing in on corporeal remains isn’t so strange. Let’s not forget that the Catholic Church used to make an industry out of this and other memorabilia and holds a stock inventory that any would-be fetish dealer would give a monkey's paw to get their hands on. There is still plenty of tat on sale at the Vatican, Lourdes, Fatima et al, though no doubt, these days the Church would take a very dim view of anyone trying to peddle such dubious offerings as Mary Magdalene’s hair-extensions, Lazarus’ cane, a bottle of very good Feast at Cana 100% Chardonnay Sparkling Wine (Méthode Jesus of Nazareth), saints’ digits by the 40’ container load and more parts of the True Cross than Homebase has decking. It keeps this stuff for its historical curiosity value. Oddly enough, one of the biggest repositories of relics is at Carfin in Lanarkshire. But many of today's ghoulish traders - anxious for a sale - will stop at nothing to inhale the rich odour of easy dosh. Cue: some of Mussolini's marbles. Fetishism is clearly alive and well and living in Italy - and elsewhere.
If this is a money-spinner, I’m in. I’ve got a number of shadows I’m interested in selling: Hitler’s, Stalin’s, Mao Tse Tung’s, Pol Pot’s (more items available on request). If that doesn’t grab you, I can offer you one, pre-owned, low hours, Golden Fleece, some of the cakes burned by King Alfred the Great, a William Wallace-skin sword belt and a rather nice “his ‘n’ hers” matching pair of Grendel-skin bedroom slippers from the Beowulf Collection, a working model of the Dawkin’s Giant Spaghetti Machine, oh, and I can also run to one of the birds that spoke personally to St Francis of Assisi. No, it isn’t the fabled Magnanti bird, which, sings so sweetly in between saying, “Oi, Francis, fancy a good time?”
Bring me the itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini worn by St Theresa of Avila or failing that, the head of Alfredo Garcia. The market’s infinite capacity for delivering an out-of-wallet experience never ceases to amaze.
Ed Hart is a finalist in stv.tv's The Write Factor competition. The views expressed are not necessarily those of STV plc. If you would like to read more from this writer, use our comment system below.
Last updated: 23 November 2009, 18:15
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