So Labour’s Willie Bain has won the Glasgow North East by-election, but who were the losers? We have a new Member of Parliament, but as I look through the list of potential candidates it leaves me with the question. “Will politics ever be the same without Screaming Lord Sutch?”
For the benefit of the young bucks of the internet generation; Lord Sutch was the ostentatiously dressed maverick leader of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party. He may have given an appearance of madness. He may have died a sad death after suffering from manic depression, but he stood in over 40 by-elections from 1963 to 1997 enlivening and making a mockery of the political process all at the same time. I remember he stood in a by-election in my own constituency when the sitting Tory Nicholas Fairbairn died. Lord Sutch’s only harebrained policy was that he wanted to build the Channel Tunnel to Calais from the 18th tee of Crieff Golf course.... All the rest were eminently sensible....
- Add lead to the water supply. It never did me any harm! That’s right I am a talking hedgehog and my name is Napoleon.
- Amalgamate Turkey and Greece - to reduce the need for turkey basters at Christmas.
- Reinvigorate the economy with a 2.5% cut in VAT.
- Put fertilizer on my eyebrows and call me Darling!
OK so these weren’t real Monster Raving Loony Party policies. The last two were proposed by our current Chancellor of the Exchequer. The point is that the unfortunate death of Screaming Lord Sutch left a gap in British politics. Just when you want a genuine certified loony to invigorate the political process, it turns out they are too busy renovating their duck house.
Amongst the crop of failed North East Glasgow wannabes we had a blind ex-Big Brother DJ who wants to be the next David Blunkett. Presumably Springburn is full of single mothers who don’t know the identity of the child’s father. We also have the ubiquitous John Smeaton: have-a-go hero, Edinburgh Fringe performer and all-round media darling. Add to that Tommy Sheridan (I’m never quite sure about Tommy, but would love to be a fly on the wall of his jacuzzi), an assortment of racists, single-issue campaigners, career politicians and a man campaigning against career politicians and I just feel that we got all of the madness but none of the fun. The sad thing is they all wanted the people of North East Glasgow to take them seriously.
Let’s remember how we got here. The previous MP and Speaker of the House of Commons, Michael Martin, had to resign because of the expenses scandal. Members of all political parties were involved, but he was the scapegoat accused of trying to cover it up. He was then replaced by John Bercow, who had been one of the culprits in the scandal! And so the people have chosen a local, but nevertheless anodyne, politician offered up by the party machine. With a turnout of 33% yesterday, if Screaming Lord Sutch was alive we might have had a self-confessed nutter in parliament.
‘You must be joking!’ I hear you say. The problem is... I don’t think they are. Who lost the Glasgow North East by-election? Us again!
Bruce Fummey is a finalist in stv.tv's The Write Factor competition. The views expressed are not necessarily those of STV plc. If you would like to read more from this writer please use the comments facility below.
Last updated: 26 November 2009, 10:32
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